Easter - 2018

Friday, July 10, 2009

Friday Funny - How to buy a church Sound System!

As a music/worship minister, we have worked this out many times. Now I find these twelve tips on "How to buy a Church Sound System," If I had only known....

1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.

2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.

3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generally look very cool.

4. The system should be broken up into as many components as possible. (e.g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, pre-menstrual-amp, post-amp, post-menopause-amp, etc.)

5. The most important part of a church sound system is the speakers, they should look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers and varieties of components pointed at the listener is important. (e.g. tweeters, hooters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers, seismic noise generators, etc.)

6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft; the more knobs and dials you can turn, the better. Not that you will ever use them, but it will make other churches break the 10th commandment.

7. The system should have full remote control capability, including over the mobile auto cellular phone so that the system can be manned when the Sound Tech is running late.

8. The complete set-up should put a major recording studio or large radio station to shame. After all, you may be trying to duplicate the exciting feeling of being at a heavy metal concert in a football stadium with 70,000 screaming fans.

9. Having state-of-the-art equipment is not enough. You should be a year or two ahead of everyone else. Equipment over the warranty period is obsolete and should be disposed of promptly.

10. The most important factor--out of every church sound system equipment, yours should be better. Our goal is to offer God no less than the best!

Gotta Laugh at these....Have a great Friday and you know I love ya - Don

1 comment:

Dave Fretz said...

What's suposed to be funny? It all sounds very logical to me.