Friday Funny - "Meet the New Neighbors"

A Friday Funny worth repeating!!!

My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door.

"Hey Dad, announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?"

"No."

"Come on Dad, you have to meet them."

"Some other time; I'm busy."

"Dad, you have to meet them now."

From the urgency in Billy's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting
outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No
one was there.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our baseball is in their living room!"

You know I love ya and have a great Friday! Don

Friday Funny - You mean to tell me...

We have not had a Friday Funny in awhile...I thought I would share this one from the sermon last Sunday...

"The photographer for a National Magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled "Let's go Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the North side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Happy Friday and have a great weekend! Don

Friday Funny - Waiting Room Joke!

Here's a Friday Funny that I hope will bring you a smile...enjoy

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

Seven-Up would be a great job! Have a great weekend, You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Stubborn!"

Some of us are stubborn...

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

See you in the back of the plane! Have a great weekend, Don

Friday Funny - "Ironic"

This is a joke that was passed along to me. It is funny, but also has a teaching point too.

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first.

"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second.

"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Keep laughing and it is funny. The truth of the matter is that both men needed for trust, ethics and morals...the crazy things we do usually lead to crazy trouble and it will always make life harder.

So, keep laughing and we will continue to strive to please the One we love. You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Happy New Year"

It is Friday and New Year's Eve. These holidays are filled with get together and parties...so I thought the following might bring a chuckle:

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the living room to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold diet coke for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.

'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'

It is hard to believe the first decade of the new millennium is over already. Praying 2011 is awesome in your life. Keeping our eyes on Him and He will never let us down. You know I love ya,
Don

Keep praying for Nicholas and us. His surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, January 4th. I will let you know as I know...

Thanks to the Worship Choir...Mary is Safe for another year!

Merry Christmas and it is Friday!!! Also, thank you to a wonderful Worship Choir at Park Chapel. They surprised me last night with a gift I have wanted to while and also stunned me enough that I didn't know what to say... SO, in honor of them and their generous spirit and dedication to Worship this Friday Funny is for them:

About two weeks before Christmas, a little Catholic boy decided to write a letter to Santa. He started "Dear Santa...", he thought "No, I will go to a higher authority", so he decided to write a letter to Jesus.

"Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas, I will be good for two weeks.."

"NO NO NO NO I can't be good for two weeks", he thought to himself.

So he started all over again...

"Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas I will be good for one week."

"NO NO NO NO I can't be good for one week", he thought to himself.

So he quickly ran to the Study room and grabbed their statue of Mary, and quickly wrapped it up in a blanket.

He started all over again.

"Dear Jesus, I have your mother...if you ever want to see her again...get me a bike for Christmas!"

The gift was season 5, 6, & 7 of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I watched my first episode this morning while working out and Mary is safe for another year!

Keep smiling, laugh some, and you know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Job Performance"

It is Friday!!!! So, lets laugh!

A man who was unemployed for several months...

... gets a job with Public Works painting lines down the center of rural roads. The supervisor tells him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The man agrees to the conditions and starts the next day.

The supervisor checks and finds the man completed 4 miles. "Great," he thought, "this man will work out." The next day he finds the man only did 2 miles but the supervisor thought, "well he is still at the average and I don't want him to get discouraged."

The third day however the man only did one mile and the Boss thought, "I need to talk to him." The boss pulls the new employee in and says, "Son, you were doing great. The first day you did four miles and the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure, anything keeping you from meeting the two mile minimum?"

The man replied, "I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket."

Keep smiling and laugh a little - You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Grandpa's Gifts"

Its Friday, Snow is on the way, and Christmas is just around the corner...so a Friday Funny about the gifts and the bows is most appropriate! Enjoy!

Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a nice check.

On each card he wrote:

'Happy Christmas Grandpa' - P.S. 'Buy your own present.'

Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant and somewhat curt with their talk. It preyed on his mind into the New Year, in fact it truly bugged him because he had been very generous. So, he decided not to talk with the family. "They can call me and use their own dime!" he thought.

Then while getting ready for Easter and doing some Spring cleaning, he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of checks for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards.

I probably would do this. Keep laughing because it keeps the rest of us guessing and have a great weekend!
Don

Friday Funny - "Playing God"

Well it is Friday and the weekend in is upon us. So, try to laugh to day and ejoy this funny story that might have a little truth to it.

A psychiatrist gets a new job at an insane asylum, and he's making his rounds for the first time.

"What's your name?" he asks the first patient he meets.

"I am Napoleon!" the patient replies.

"How do you know that?" asks the doctor.

"God told me so."

"I did not!" yells a patient sitting nearby.

You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Computer Options"

It is Friday. Everyone has a computer...yes, we can relate to making calls to service tech assistance.

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Have a great weekend! Don

Friday Funny - "Miracles"

I do believe in miracles! But this was just too funny to pass up. Thank you Ron Christman for sharing!

The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."

Have a great weekend! You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Hymns"

It is Friday!

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand.

The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"

Have a great weekend. Down Syndrome Buddy walk on Saturday. Check out Down Syndrome Indiana for more information. We also ways have a great time.

Take Care,
Don

Friday Funny - "Dead Church"

The Dead Church

A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.

Keep Laughing and have a great weekend! Don

Friday Funny - "What is that?"

It is Friday and it is the first day of October....a great weekend ahead. Enjoy!

A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard.

Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray, was responsible for this atrocity?”

The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect its parents.”

Don't forget to laugh...it helps heal the things that aren't so funny! Love ya, Don

Friday Funny - Where is God?

This is an oldie, but it still brings a chuckle. I offer this today in honor of two brothers ...

Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor's desk and they just look at each other.

Finally, the Pastor says, "Where is God?"

The boy just sits there and doesn't answer.

The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, "Where is God?"

The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn't answer.

The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy's refusal to converse and practically shouts "Where is God?"

To the pastor's surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office.

The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother's room. He shuts the door and pants, "We're in BIG TROUBLE. God's missing and they think we did it!"

PRN - Pray Right Now, it is surgery day. Love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "Walking on Water"

Here is a funny one!

One day a Pastor and a Brother took a Visitor fishing on boat.

Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said" I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back" and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.

When he had returned, the Brother said
"I need to use the restroom, be right back"

Again the visitor watched in amazement. Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said " I need to use the restroom too"

As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.

The Pastor nudged the Brother and said "We should have told him where the rocks were"

Happy Weekend! You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "more like a riddle?"

It is Friday and this is a Funny that is more food for thought:

"People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention!"

We chuckle because we know people like that, we pause because many times we are that person.

You know I love ya - have a great weekend!
Don

Friday Funny - "back to school..."

Well Matthew and Alice are in school so I thought a Friday Funny that is school related is most appropriate:

A principal is making his rounds of the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise.

He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.

'Now,' he says, 'are there any questions?'

One girl stands up timidly. 'Please sir,' she asks, 'may we have our teacher back?'

They get younger and younger every year! You know I love ya, Don

Friday Funny - "The Wanderer"

I can relate to this all to well.....

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.

"Listen to me, Matthew," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"

Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."
-- Leah Hallenbeck

Happy Friday, Don