It's all about priorities!

It’s All About Priorities!

I heard about a farmer who called the office of the church asking to see “The Head Hog at the trough.”

The receptionist said, “Sir, if you’re talking about our Minster, you may call him Evangelist or Minister, but I don’t think it would be proper to refer to him as the “head Hog at the trough.’”

“Well, all right,” the farmer said. “I just sold a few sows and was going to donate ten thousand dollars to the building fund, so I was hopping to catch him.”

“Oh, just a minute, sir.” The receptionist said, “I think the big pig just walked in!”

It’s All About Priorities!

A woman was sitting next to an empty seat at the Super Bowl stadium. A man asked the woman about it. The woman explained, “It was my husband’s…but he died and I offered it to the family.” The man said to her, “I’m surprised that another relative or friend didn’t jump at the chance to take his seat.” She answered, “I don’t understand it either. But, they all decided on going to his funeral instead.”

It’s All About Priorities!

A farmer in New Mexico ran this classified ad in the Quay County Sun: “Farmer with 160 irrigated acres wants marriage-minded woman with a tractor. When replying, please send picture of the tractor.” [AP release, June 1978, Tucumcari, New Mexico]

It’s All About Priorities!

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two’s for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a 200 pound deer. The other hunters asked, “Where’s Bob?” The lone man said, “Oh, he had a stroke of some kind, he’s a couple of miles back up the trail.” The other hunters were shocked and asked why he left Bob laying there to carry the deer instead. “It was a tough call,” the hunter said, “but I figured no one was going to steal Bob.”

It’s All About Priorities!

God desire for His followers to strategically and intentionally schedule our priorities or our priorities will schedule us. God’s priority is that we are in sync with Him and His Priorities.

What are your priorities this Thanksgiving season? You know I love ya, Don

We are not created equally...we are different for a reason!

This makes me laugh....

 

“It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, "What are you up to?" Mary smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a guy, with his hands high in the air. The man, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Keep laughing...you know I love ya, Don

The biggest Lie - Friday Funny

Hello Friends. I trust your Friday was a great day. I always try to find something funny for Friday. With all the campaigning going on, I thought this might be fun.

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Have a great weekend and you know I love ya - Don

Political Humor....I promise

With all the politics in our country right now I thought a good Friday Funny (its a day late, sorry) should lean towards Political Humor (well that is what the polls indicated....and I always go with the polls. Remember Al Gore and John Kerry were both winning according to the polls. Where are they now?) So, enjoy and remember to laugh a little at all the rhetoric...it will keep you from crying.

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."

Have great weekend and you know I love ya - Don

The Bride and Groom - Friday Funny

Happy Friday to you! This weekend is the Riley Festival. We are looking forward to that. For more information click on "Riley Festival." The queen this year sings in our choir, awesome Christian Girl. Way to God Melanie!

I seem to be in wedding mode (one tomorrow and one in VA next week) so I thought this would be a good Friday Funny. Enjoy and you know I love ya, - Don

The Bride & Groom

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

I am not sure I would go for this as a minister, but I might. - Happy Friday!

A Remarkable Parrot - Friday Funny

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said: "You know how our mother enjoys reading the Bible and she can no longer see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it. There isn't another parrot like it in the whole world and it is truely priceless."

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.

"Milton," she wrote, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"

"But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was absolutely delicious!"

Have a great Friday! You know I love ya, Don

-P.S. - This story is not original with me, I stole it from someone much funnier than me....it is still one of my favorites!

Friday Fun - Dr. Phil???

I don't watch Dr. Phil and know very little about him or his family....so this is not an endorsement by any means...A friend sent this to me and few weeks ago and I still get a chuckle when I read it, so I am sharing it with you...

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find
inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you have started and have never finished.
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished,
and before leaving the house this morning,

I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel,
a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my
old Prozac prescription, ate the remaining triple-fudge cake, the rest of the
cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how REALLY good I feel right now!

Have a great Friday and I pray that this little laugh will make you feel good right now...You kow I love ya, Don

- I would love to hear some of your funny stories...put them in the comments area.